Emotional blackmail, a concept first coined by American psychologist, author, and a lecturer Susan Forward (14 May 1938 – February 2020) in 1997. It is also named as FOG since it is a form of relationship manipulation that exploits fear, obligation, and guilt. It can significantly harm individuals and relationships by creating a climate of fear, obligation, and guilt. It can lead to reduced job satisfaction, increased turnover intentions, and strained personal or family relationships. Ultimately, emotional blackmail erodes trust, intimacy, and emotional safety, potentially leading to negative psychological consequences
情緒勒索是美國心理學家、作家兼講師蘇珊‧佛沃在 1997 年首度提出的概念。它是一種利用恐懼、義務和罪惡感在關係中控制他人的行為，所以又稱為FOG。通常都是發生在親密關係中，例如父母子女、兄弟姊妹、朋友或情人之間。這種勒索會營造一種充滿恐懼、義務和內疚的氛圍，嚴重損害個人和人際關係。它會導致工作滿意度下降、離職意願增加，以及個人或家庭關係緊張。最終，情緒勒索會侵蝕信任、親密關係和情感安全感，並可能導致負面的心理後果。
Emotional blackmail is usually operating under the guise of love, duty, or loyalty to subtly influence the victim's psychology, so it doesn't appear to be overtly violent. When emotional blackmailers use these tactics to control others, victims become mired in a state of confusion, losing their sense of self-worth and unable to understand their situation. This can lead to self-doubt, even guilt, fear, or confusion, ultimately forcing them to compromise and accept the blackmailer's demands.
情緒勒索通常以愛、責任或忠誠為幌子，潛移默化地影響受害者的心理，使其看起來不那麼暴力。當情緒勒索者使用這些手段控制他人時，受害者會陷入困惑，失去自我價值感，無法理解自身的處境。這會導致他們自我懷疑，甚至感到內疚、恐懼或困惑，最終迫使他們妥協，接受勒索者的要求。
In reality, the controlling behavior that leads to emotional blackmail stems from legitimate desires, such as the desire to be loved, needed, secure, valuable, or appreciated by others. These needs are perfectly normal, but the problem is that, in pursuing these desires, the emotional blackmailer ignores the needs and feelings of others. Unfortunately, they are completely unaware of their selfishness in this aspect, nor the disaster it may be causing in their relationships.
事實上，導致情緒勒索的控制行為源自於合理的慾望，例如渴望被愛、被需要、安全感、被重視或被他人欣賞。這些需求完全正常，但問題在於，在追求這些慾望的過程中，情緒勒索者忽略了他人的需求和感受。不幸的是，他們完全沒有意識到自己在這方面的自私，也沒有意識到這可能為他們的人際關係帶來的災難。
These statements in a families aren’t just expressions of disappointment from the blackmailers to the victims, they’re also ultimatums. They use guilt and fear to control behavior, often forcing individuals to sacrifice their own needs or boundaries to maintain peace:
- “After everything I’ve done for you…”
- “You’re breaking your mother’s heart.”
- “Don't call again if you don't come home for the holidays.”
這些話語在家庭中不僅象徵著勒索者對受害者的失望，也像徵最後通牒。他們利用內疚和恐懼來控制受害者的行為，常常迫使受害者犧牲自身的需求或界線來維持和平：
- “我為你付出了這麼多…”
- “你讓你媽媽心碎了。”
- “如果過節不回家，就不用再打電話回來了。”
In academic settings, emotional blackmail can come from mentors, professors, or even peers. These tactics exploit ambition and loyalty, making students feel indebted or afraid of losing future opportunities if they don’t comply:
- A professor might say, “I gave you this opportunity—don’t embarrass me by turning it down.”
- A peer might guilt-trip you into helping with their project by saying, “I thought we were friends.”
在學術環境中，情緒勒索可能來自導師、教授，甚至是同學。這些策略利用學生的野心和忠誠度，讓他們感到虧欠，或擔心不聽話會失去未來的機會：
- 教授可能會說：“我給了你這個機會——別拒絕，不要讓我難堪。”
- 同學可能會說：“我以為我們是朋友。”，以此讓你產生罪惡感，從而促使你幫助他們完成專案。
In a workplaces, fear of losing status, reputation, or job security becomes the lever. The pressure to conform can override personal boundaries and well-being:
- A manager might imply, “If you don’t take on this extra work, maybe you’re not as committed as I thought.”
- Colleagues might say, “We’re all staying late—don’t be the one who lets the team down.”
在職場中，對失去地位、名譽或工作保障的恐懼成為了一種操控桿。這種順從的壓力可能超越了個人的界線和幸福感：
- 經理可能會暗示：“如果你不承擔這項額外的工作，說明你可能不像我想像的那麼投入。”
- 同事可能會說：“我們都加班了——別成為讓團隊失望的人。”
In the field of personal relationships, these statements twist personal values into tools of control. They force individuals to choose between their integrity and their autonomy, often leaving them emotionally drained and conflicted.
This form of emotional blackmail targets individuals with strong moral, religious, or philosophical beliefs:
- “If you really believed in kindness, you’d forgive me.”
- “Your faith teaches sacrifice—why are you being selfish?”
- “You claim to be spiritual, but you won’t help me?”
在人際關係領域，這些言論將個人價值扭曲為控制的工具。它們迫使個人在正直與自主之間做出選擇，常常導致他人情緒低落、矛盾重重。這種情緒勒索針對的是那些擁有強烈道德、宗教或哲學信念的人：
情緒勒索是美國心理學家、作家兼講師蘇珊‧佛沃在 1997 年首度提出的概念。它是一種利用恐懼、義務和罪惡感在關係中控制他人的行為，所以又稱為FOG。通常都是發生在親密關係中，例如父母子女、兄弟姊妹、朋友或情人之間。這種勒索會營造一種充滿恐懼、義務和內疚的氛圍，嚴重損害個人和人際關係。它會導致工作滿意度下降、離職意願增加，以及個人或家庭關係緊張。最終，情緒勒索會侵蝕信任、親密關係和情感安全感，並可能導致負面的心理後果。
Emotional blackmail is usually operating under the guise of love, duty, or loyalty to subtly influence the victim's psychology, so it doesn't appear to be overtly violent. When emotional blackmailers use these tactics to control others, victims become mired in a state of confusion, losing their sense of self-worth and unable to understand their situation. This can lead to self-doubt, even guilt, fear, or confusion, ultimately forcing them to compromise and accept the blackmailer's demands.
情緒勒索通常以愛、責任或忠誠為幌子，潛移默化地影響受害者的心理，使其看起來不那麼暴力。當情緒勒索者使用這些手段控制他人時，受害者會陷入困惑，失去自我價值感，無法理解自身的處境。這會導致他們自我懷疑，甚至感到內疚、恐懼或困惑，最終迫使他們妥協，接受勒索者的要求。
In reality, the controlling behavior that leads to emotional blackmail stems from legitimate desires, such as the desire to be loved, needed, secure, valuable, or appreciated by others. These needs are perfectly normal, but the problem is that, in pursuing these desires, the emotional blackmailer ignores the needs and feelings of others. Unfortunately, they are completely unaware of their selfishness in this aspect, nor the disaster it may be causing in their relationships.
事實上，導致情緒勒索的控制行為源自於合理的慾望，例如渴望被愛、被需要、安全感、被重視或被他人欣賞。這些需求完全正常，但問題在於，在追求這些慾望的過程中，情緒勒索者忽略了他人的需求和感受。不幸的是，他們完全沒有意識到自己在這方面的自私，也沒有意識到這可能為他們的人際關係帶來的災難。
These statements in a families aren’t just expressions of disappointment from the blackmailers to the victims, they’re also ultimatums. They use guilt and fear to control behavior, often forcing individuals to sacrifice their own needs or boundaries to maintain peace:
- “After everything I’ve done for you…”
- “You’re breaking your mother’s heart.”
- “Don't call again if you don't come home for the holidays.”
這些話語在家庭中不僅象徵著勒索者對受害者的失望，也像徵最後通牒。他們利用內疚和恐懼來控制受害者的行為，常常迫使受害者犧牲自身的需求或界線來維持和平：
- “我為你付出了這麼多…”
- “你讓你媽媽心碎了。”
- “如果過節不回家，就不用再打電話回來了。”
In academic settings, emotional blackmail can come from mentors, professors, or even peers. These tactics exploit ambition and loyalty, making students feel indebted or afraid of losing future opportunities if they don’t comply:
- A professor might say, “I gave you this opportunity—don’t embarrass me by turning it down.”
- A peer might guilt-trip you into helping with their project by saying, “I thought we were friends.”
在學術環境中，情緒勒索可能來自導師、教授，甚至是同學。這些策略利用學生的野心和忠誠度，讓他們感到虧欠，或擔心不聽話會失去未來的機會：
- 教授可能會說：“我給了你這個機會——別拒絕，不要讓我難堪。”
- 同學可能會說：“我以為我們是朋友。”，以此讓你產生罪惡感，從而促使你幫助他們完成專案。
In a workplaces, fear of losing status, reputation, or job security becomes the lever. The pressure to conform can override personal boundaries and well-being:
- A manager might imply, “If you don’t take on this extra work, maybe you’re not as committed as I thought.”
- Colleagues might say, “We’re all staying late—don’t be the one who lets the team down.”
在職場中，對失去地位、名譽或工作保障的恐懼成為了一種操控桿。這種順從的壓力可能超越了個人的界線和幸福感：
- 經理可能會暗示：“如果你不承擔這項額外的工作，說明你可能不像我想像的那麼投入。”
- 同事可能會說：“我們都加班了——別成為讓團隊失望的人。”
In the field of personal relationships, these statements twist personal values into tools of control. They force individuals to choose between their integrity and their autonomy, often leaving them emotionally drained and conflicted.
This form of emotional blackmail targets individuals with strong moral, religious, or philosophical beliefs:
- “If you really believed in kindness, you’d forgive me.”
- “Your faith teaches sacrifice—why are you being selfish?”
- “You claim to be spiritual, but you won’t help me?”
在人際關係領域，這些言論將個人價值扭曲為控制的工具。它們迫使個人在正直與自主之間做出選擇，常常導致他人情緒低落、矛盾重重。這種情緒勒索針對的是那些擁有強烈道德、宗教或哲學信念的人：
- “如果你真的相信善良，你應該原諒我。”
- “你的信仰教導我們有犧牲精神——你為什麼要自私？”
- “你自稱有靈性，卻不願幫助我？”
Here are some strategies that may help you address emotional blackmail:
以下策略或許能幫助你面對情緒勒索：
Stay cool: Although it can be difficult when you’re facing down an emotional blackmailer, keeping your cool can help you stay in control of the situation. Reacting emotionally just gives them what they want.
保持冷靜：雖然面對情緒勒索者時可能很困難，但保持冷靜可以幫助你掌控局面。情緒化的反應只會讓他們如願以償。
Remember that you’re yourself: Remind yourself that you're not responsible for someone else's problems. You have the right to make the reasonable choices that are best for you, without feeling guilty about it. Don’t let guilt or fear drive your decisions.
記住你就是你：提醒自己，你無需為他人的問題負責。你有權利做出對自己最有利的合理選擇，而無需為此感到內疚。不要讓內疚或恐懼左右你的決定。
Keep away to the blackmailers: Creating physical or emotional distance is the best way to protect yourself.
遠離勒索者：保持身體或情感上的距離是保護自己的最佳方式。
Seek support: Seek support from a trusted friend or a professional on mental healthcare for what's going on.
尋求支持：向值得信賴的朋友或心理健康專業人士尋求幫助，以應對正在發生的事情。
Prioritize self-care: Whether it’s hitting the gym, taking some downtime, or cooking your favorite meal, just do what you need to do and take care of yourself.
We are not obligated to meet unreasonable demands, even from people you love or respect. Emotional health requires courage—and sometimes, distance.
優先考慮自我照顧：無論是去健身房、休息一段時間，或是烹調你最喜歡的食物，做你需要做的事情，照顧好自己。
We are not obligated to comply with unreasonable demands, even if they come from people we love or respect. Our emotional well-being, in certain situations, may require the courage to say no to unreasonable demands as well as the wisdom to appropriately keep distance from others.
我們沒有義務滿足不合理的要求，即使這些要求來自我們所愛或尊敬的人。在某些情況下，我們的情緒健康可能需要拒絕不合理的要求的勇氣，以及與他人保持適當距離的智慧。
Here are some strategies that may help you address emotional blackmail:
以下策略或許能幫助你面對情緒勒索：
Stay cool: Although it can be difficult when you’re facing down an emotional blackmailer, keeping your cool can help you stay in control of the situation. Reacting emotionally just gives them what they want.
保持冷靜：雖然面對情緒勒索者時可能很困難，但保持冷靜可以幫助你掌控局面。情緒化的反應只會讓他們如願以償。
Remember that you’re yourself: Remind yourself that you're not responsible for someone else's problems. You have the right to make the reasonable choices that are best for you, without feeling guilty about it. Don’t let guilt or fear drive your decisions.
記住你就是你：提醒自己，你無需為他人的問題負責。你有權利做出對自己最有利的合理選擇，而無需為此感到內疚。不要讓內疚或恐懼左右你的決定。
Keep away to the blackmailers: Creating physical or emotional distance is the best way to protect yourself.
遠離勒索者：保持身體或情感上的距離是保護自己的最佳方式。
Seek support: Seek support from a trusted friend or a professional on mental healthcare for what's going on.
尋求支持：向值得信賴的朋友或心理健康專業人士尋求幫助，以應對正在發生的事情。
Prioritize self-care: Whether it’s hitting the gym, taking some downtime, or cooking your favorite meal, just do what you need to do and take care of yourself.
We are not obligated to meet unreasonable demands, even from people you love or respect. Emotional health requires courage—and sometimes, distance.
優先考慮自我照顧：無論是去健身房、休息一段時間，或是烹調你最喜歡的食物，做你需要做的事情，照顧好自己。
We are not obligated to comply with unreasonable demands, even if they come from people we love or respect. Our emotional well-being, in certain situations, may require the courage to say no to unreasonable demands as well as the wisdom to appropriately keep distance from others.
我們沒有義務滿足不合理的要求，即使這些要求來自我們所愛或尊敬的人。在某些情況下，我們的情緒健康可能需要拒絕不合理的要求的勇氣，以及與他人保持適當距離的智慧。
